Time Management Gone Wrong

Time management does not always work out in graduate school. I can always map out what i will do and try to maximize my time by doing readings while riding on the train. However, when you also work while in school or even having a lot of family problems going on during the semester can alter your schedule in a drastic way.  That is the case for me. This week I have been physically and mentally exhausted from papers, work and just life in general. Most days I want to lay in bed, pull the covers over my head and just hide from my problems that are still waiting for me when I take the covers off. I created a schedule that I was going to follow because I knew myself and I thought I would break it up so I would have a limited amount of work each day. However, it’s funny how life will through a wrench in your plan.

time management
we have to keep going

This week’s pre-determined schedule did not work because it is always hard to determine what each day will bring after planning things out. For me, it’s back to the drawing board.  Each day this week has truly had it’s surprises. I admire how some people have their schedules set in place and things just go their way.  That’s not possible for me right now unless I make some changes, even though I know I cannot control certain situations from happening such as death or the train breaking down. But I know that I can always shift my perception from thinking everything is going downhill, to this is a bump in the road and I will get all my work done. If your reading this and you feel as though your time management skills may be like mine, just know we all have our moments when things do not go the way we manage. But it’s what we do when things go wrong that determines how far we willing to go for our goals and dreams.  If your reading this and everything around you seem to be falling apart, I would say even if you plan out everything and it does not go according to plan, I challenge you to keep going and smile. Don’t worry we still will achieve our goals. But if we don’t keep moving forward even when things go wrong, we cannot accomplish them.

 

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Love and Happiness in Grad School

 

I hope if your reading this whether you are in a relationship or single that your valentine’s day was wonderful. For me it was a day of relaxing and figuring things out in my life. I did not spend it with a boyfriend because as many people know I am not dating for a year. I honestly did not even do no school work. But during the day it made me think of how many women and even men want relationships and will do just about anything to get/ keep a partner. However, that has never been me.

graduate school love

I will admit that at times I do want to be in relationship at night. But, I have learned thus far in my graduate school journey that I must be responsible for my own love and happiness. I cannot wait for someone to come in and love me or create the happiness I desire. When I love myself it not only places a glow upon me, but it allows for people to see how I want to be treated. Also, self-love shows people that its ok to love yourself no matter what. When you love yourself in your sad and happy moments it allows you to see the growth inside of you. It also teaches you lessons that you may have once considered irrelevant. In regard to happiness, happiness can be as simple as smiling at the fact of being alive. When you embrace the small moments, especially in the craziness, it not only helps to get through the small moments but it helps you to appreciate things even in the down moments.

Personally, in graduate school I have had mental break downs where I did not know what to do. I would cry and scream and honestly, I may do these things again before the semester is out. I would even focus on meaningless task when I knew I had an assignment due. Then I would procrastinate. However, when I begin to express gratitude for the things I am doing or even my mini successes, I begin to feel as though that everything will be ok. So if your reading this, I want you to go out, be happy, love yourself, express gratitude for the little things and smile.

Picture from: pixaby

Loving Yourself Even When Your Wrong

Have your ever made so many mistakes, that you began to question why in world the universe would give you certain task? Well if you have asked yourself that question, then you are just like me. Within the past 24 hours I have made multiple mistakes that I promised myself I would not make and ignored my intuition when it said to leave certain things alone.

loving when wrong The first mistake I made was with school. I completely procrastinated on all my assignments that I had due. Even when I had a schedule that I was going to follow to get all of my assignments done. Did I follow it? Nope. I was on social media and doing everything else under the sun/moon. The whole time my intuition was telling me, get off your phone and other media and finish your homework and work on your personal projects. Then when I finally did sit down to do my assignments, it was rushed and it honestly showed that I put no care into the work.

The second mistake I made was with social media. I was in a group that was solely focused about dating and was talking to people as though I was interested in pursuing something romantically with them. My intuition was telling me to get off social media and was reminding me that i knew full well that the only reason I was doing this is because I am procrastinating what I needed to do. I then began to feel bad because I knew that I was cheating my year of no dating.

love when right      I knew full well I should not have been doing either one of these things. I knew that I should not have been doing any of those things. I should have been choosing to better myself and grow, rather than focusing on temporary fixes. Some may read this and believe that I am being hard on myself, however, when you know what you are capable of, you know you should not be settling for less.  Despite my screw ups, I still love me. I hold myself and apologize and move forward knowing that if I choose to do the right thing in the next moment, then my wrongs are not as bad. So to anyone reading this, remember even when things do not go according to plan and you mess up, Love yourself enough to apologize, hug yourself, continue forward and smile.

Self Care and Graduate School

As I wrote in my last entry, I began my last semester of graduate school. Even though I am excited and nerve wrecked, my mental state has began to go back to a dark place that I had been in last semester. Last semester, my mental stability took a hit because I was feeling alone and could not understand why. I honestly did not want to do any work and I was always crying. Even though I was going to gym and listening to music, I was not taking care of myself. Recently, I started feeling how I did last semester when I began to shut down completely. I have since learned several ways that I can take care of myself without feeling as though I am cheating my school work process, which is how I would feel when I was not doing my school work. So here are my four ways that I practice self-care daily.

self care pic 3

  1. Writing in a journal- in my journal is where I get real and raw. I write my deepest concerns and thoughts there. In this book, I can express what I cannot speak out loud. I try to write every day because it serves as a reminder that this is an option when I get frustrated. I recommend to anyone reading this to write your heart cries and desires. It can be in a journal, on sheets of paper or even make a video recording your feelings. I say write anything and everything.
  2. Reading a book- I can honestly say with my heart I am a book nerd. Books are always a great way to escape what’s going on in reality. Books have been the door to a portal that was necessary for me to go into. Since being in graduate school, I have learned the importance of reading leisurely because at my other college, I could not figure out how to fit it in, but now I have figured it out. I read non-fiction, fiction, business books, young adult and autobiographies to escape. I mainly use the library because I can explore and take out books that truly interest me. (Plus, I am on a graduate school budget) So run to your local library and check out a few.self care pic 2
  3. Meditation- Meditation has honestly been my saving grace because it allows me to just breath and have my mind at ease. Usually when I mediate I will sit on the floor, in my bed, or in the chair. I just take about five minutes to just breath and allow my mind to be at ease and at times I get great ideas. I would recommend people to meditate because it is a calming experience. You can personalize meditation anyway you want to by add music, candles or even meditating outside. The important thing is you take time for yourself to breath and just allow yourself the time to refresh.
  4. Walking- I love walking. Walking honestly has helped me to not only clear my mind but also to gain insight and new innovative ideas. Plus it’s just a good way to get fresh air, see your community and discover new things. I would tell you to walk because not only are you being active, and for my fellow introverts it gets us out the house but it provides a new perspective on so much.

These are my daily/ weekly self care things. I also do take myself out on dates to museums, shows, traveling, laying in bed doing nothing or dinners just to appreciate myself. But I do things four things frequently because self-care on the daily basis is essential for me and you to not fall back into that dark space. Some days I do multiple of these task and some days I do one. Just know you can create a self- care routine anyway you see fit and it does not have to cost a lot of money. The important thing is you feel great afterwards and feel ready to take on the world. Just remember to smile in the moment.

 

Why Did I Create This Blog?

As 2017 ends, I believe it is important to reflect on everything that has happened. I have been truly blessed over this year. This year I graduated from college, got a new job, learned more about myself and so much more! I know my blog has shown that I have gone through a great deal of changes, but I had to take a moment to question why I decided to write this blog.

Why did i create

I first started Khadijah’s Journeys because I wanted to write about my law school experience. About my successes and failures of applying to law school. That experience had more negatives (not writing but applying) than positives. The only positive thing that occurred was me getting accepted into my Master’s program. But it was not until after going through a horrible break up that I decided to try again about writing a blog. This time my goal was and still is to tell my story about going through graduate school with hopes of other people, especially women, know that someone understands. I understand that you stay up late at night crying about assignments, finances, your dreams, your goals, family, friends, relationships and so much more. I have cried over these things and still did not understand how I made it through the end of the semester. My goal is to make sure, the person reading this understands that they are not alone in this graduate school journey nor the journey after it.  I along with millions of other people go through this.  I created this blog for the woman who does not know what to do and just needs to see her feelings expressed in a public platform. This blog is for the woman who is crying over family troubles and they do not know the best way to reach out for support. This blog is for the person who does not know where to turn at 3am and just needs to know someone who has struggled through the same feeling.

For 2018, I will continue this goal and bring forth the issues that face people in graduate school and even after that. The issues do not stop when formal education ends, rather they continue. While most of them cannot be eliminated but it can be helpful to know that someone is going through the same problems. And possibly learn of new ways to handle these concerns. So here’s to 2018, bringing in a another semester and learning how to elevate to the next level of life.

If this blog speaks to you or you are just interested in learning some of the struggles that one may face with change or even how I cope with depression, please subscribe. Also feel free to leave a comment or reach out to me. Most importantly smile, even if it is to your-self or in the mirror.

Push Through Hard Times

 

Have you ever heard of the expression, everything happens for a reason? Over this pass year, I have experienced many tough times. I lost my wallet in Canada. My flash drive broke during finals. My kindle got stolen. These are the top three. I can honestly say that after each of these incidents I was devastated and did not know how I was going to handle each of these problems because I did not know what to do. However, at the end of those moments, I learned so much about myself.  The key lesson I learned was when things go wrong, it is time to go to the next level. The next level is always uncomfortable, requires elevation and not something one wants to do when everything seems to fall apart, but it is necessary to be the person you are meant to be.

When I lost my wallet in Canada, I was devastated. It was the winter and I fell into the snow crying about what happened, I did not care that I my jeans got ruined. I lost everything from my home keys, my school ID, my debit card, my gift cards and so much more. Thankfully the bus system allowed for me to get back to where I was staying and the person I was staying with gave me a few dollars to be able to make it during the rest of my stay. I did cry and before I asked for help from the person I was staying with, I had to make the decision of if I would complain or finish my trip. Many people in my predicament would have given up, but I could not. I chose to finish my trip. Thankfully my bank had a branch in Canada and I could transfer some money over to the bank in Canada. From losing my wallet in another country, I learned to push through and never let anything stop a trip. I became a stronger person and decided that nothing, including losing my money and identification, would prevent me from completing a task.

Push Through
How i went to bed after losing my wallet

When my kindle was stolen and my flash drive broke, I learned the overall lesson twice. With my kindle, someone came in to my home and took it. But on my kindle I had a lot of things on there that was not contributing to my advancing myself. As for my flash drive, I had always left it in my laptop as I carried it around, but this time the drive hit a wall and the piece where you insert into the computer got twisted. This flash drive had all my information and papers since high school. Including all my work from my entire first semester of graduate school and all the blog entries I had ever written. Thankfully, all of my papers had been submitted at this point except for one which I procrastinated and had not finished. I made many attempts to try and get the drive fixed, however it would be upwards of a $1,000. From this I took it to be a sign that it was time to upgrade my storage because I am going to have more task ahead. Unfortunately, my resume information was on there, all that means is I have the chance to begin something new. After these two incidents, I decided to be the person I was meant to be by making lemons out of lemonade. I replaced my kindle and filled it with books that would help better myself. As for my flash drive, thankfully I had an extra one laying around, but I decided to upgrade and get an external hard drive.

 

Push through photo 2
Be the best you even when things go wrong

From these experiences, I learned that sometimes bad things can happen, however it’s how you react to them that determines your next move. I choose to cry and be sad, but then I must fix it and learn a valuable lesson. From Canada, I learned the importance of moving forward despite losing something major. From losing my kindle and damaged flash drive I learned that material things can always be replaced, but to always take the lesson with you of either having several back-ups,  to not take anything for granted, and smile when things get tough.

No Dating For One Year

Throughout my life I have never chosen the right man nor has the right guy chosen me. According to many people, that is how one get to find their prince charming by going through several wrong ones to get to the right one. Honestly, I have been going through the wrong guys since I was fourteen, when I believed I had found the one. He was my first “real boyfriend” and I loved him. But he told me he did not love me anymore. I was devastated, but I never gave up on finding my prince charming.
The final guy that I tried to have a serious relationship with, who honestly inspired this change, made me feel as though everything was my fault. He would constantly accuse me of lying or cheating on him. We had not been together long but he always made me feel as though I was sick or I was lower than him. I honestly never felt so low in the month of getting to know him. When it ended, I was honestly shocked for about half a day and decided to move on. Then a week later I was depressed and did not understand why I was attracting guys who were not what I deserved or wanted. That’s when the idea occurred to me that it’s not them, but its me. The reason why I say it was me because I saw the red flags of their actions and yet I ignored them. I knew that things would not change and yet I hopped they would. So, I decided to make a change for the better. I made the decision to not date for a year. This means no dating apps and if a guy asks me out on a date I must decline. If a guy were to ask me for my number then I can give it to him, but once it starts crossing into the potential dating scene then I must tell him that I am not pursing a relationship at this time. I have now been doing this for almost four months and I have learned so many things about myself. Here are the four things I have learned thus far during these four months.
1. The strength of my intuition: I have always ignored the little voice in me because I thought at times she would be wrong. Quite the contrary, the bad feeling or little voice was always right when I needed it to be. I always wanted to see the best in people, when my intuition was telling me to run. Since choosing not to date, I have learned to get fully connected with my intuition and begin to heal the abuse that I gave that little voice by constantly silencing it. I now fully understand how powerful that voice can be and the great impact it can make.
2. I’m unique: I know many people may think, well so am I. However, the uniqueness I am referring to are the things that make me different. I have always tried to compare myself with others and it has constantly failed me. Over these past four months, I realized that I am beautiful in my own way and the things that I was ashamed of people wished they had. By accepting me for me, it helped to unleash a great amount of confidence that I did not realize that I possessed.

No dating for a year pic
3. I am in control: Throughout my dating life I have always dated guys that could be at times manipulative. When I decided to be single four years ago I wanted to take back control of me. However, I did not take control back until four months ago because I was not making myself a priority. Yea I was living my life, but for most of that four years, I was hoping to find a man that would be my missing piece. I was only taking control of a portion of my life. Now I have a grasp on my entire life. I am living it for myself and not allowing people or a man try to take a portion of it. I’ve learned a man who truly wants the best for you will add, not take away and destroy.
4. The importance of change: change is honestly the hardest part of life I have had to deal with. However, it is essential. By choosing not to date, I’ve made several changes. I started wearing contacts, going to the gym and going out by myself to enjoy my life. Even though in the past I have gone out alone, the difference is I do not get the feeling of I wish I had a boyfriend. I did all this for me and no one else. I have lost some people along the way, but I gained so many more. I am happy, which is all that matters at the end of the day.
This has been my journey for the past four months and I am enjoying it. My advice to anyone reading this is do what makes you happy no matter what anyone says. Be sure to smile and be magic