The Journey

Traveling to everyone is different. I am not only talking about traveling in terms of getting on a plane, bus, train or boat, but i mean the journey through life. So many commercials on tv have quick fixes to life-long problems. Even social media will have advertisements about things coming quickly and that sometimes we forget to enjoy the journey. Sometimes the journey is the best part because not only do we learn so much about ourselves, but we get to truly test our capabilities.

shallow focus photography of railway during sunset
Photo by Albin Berlin on Pexels.com

This week I found myself becoming impatient. I have always been an ambitious person; however, I was and honestly still am frustrated with the process. I remember feeling the same way when I was in college. I wanted the next stage to come quicker. Then I realized I needed the lessons or I would be forever repeating the same lessons. For example, I have an ex who has a great heart however we were toxic for each other. He was never consistent, and I was not willing to love fully. So as one could imagine we had a great deal of problems. Recently we reconnected and had a great conversation. I thought this could be the one for me since this was another go around. However, my intuition told me I was about to go down the same path I did when I was 18, if I continued to talk to him. But in true ambitious form, I ignored it. Now it’s been almost two weeks since I last heard from him. I lost myself and $30 to that person. I was mad at myself because I physically felt that I should not have gone back down that road. However, I was hopeful. There is nothing wrong with being hopeful, but what I learned from this experience is my intuition muscle is very strong and that I needed to go down this road to show myself that you can easily do the same things at 23 as you did at 18. I’m not mad nor do I hate him, but I must close the door on that chapter, to embrace the new one that has been sparked inside of me.
Never believe that the journey you are on is insignificant. Your journey is bound to shape the woman/man you are called to be. The journey at times may suck and may cost you some money however the growth that comes from it will prepare you for your destination. In this case, I will be more prepared to when my future husband comes because I will fully have ingrained in my head that true love requires both parties to pour into each other. Not one party pour into the other and leave the other dry. I am grateful for that stop along this journey. Embrace the journey and don’t forget to smile.

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No Dating For One Year

Throughout my life I have never chosen the right man nor has the right guy chosen me. According to many people, that is how one get to find their prince charming by going through several wrong ones to get to the right one. Honestly, I have been going through the wrong guys since I was fourteen, when I believed I had found the one. He was my first “real boyfriend” and I loved him. But he told me he did not love me anymore. I was devastated, but I never gave up on finding my prince charming.
The final guy that I tried to have a serious relationship with, who honestly inspired this change, made me feel as though everything was my fault. He would constantly accuse me of lying or cheating on him. We had not been together long but he always made me feel as though I was sick or I was lower than him. I honestly never felt so low in the month of getting to know him. When it ended, I was honestly shocked for about half a day and decided to move on. Then a week later I was depressed and did not understand why I was attracting guys who were not what I deserved or wanted. That’s when the idea occurred to me that it’s not them, but its me. The reason why I say it was me because I saw the red flags of their actions and yet I ignored them. I knew that things would not change and yet I hopped they would. So, I decided to make a change for the better. I made the decision to not date for a year. This means no dating apps and if a guy asks me out on a date I must decline. If a guy were to ask me for my number then I can give it to him, but once it starts crossing into the potential dating scene then I must tell him that I am not pursing a relationship at this time. I have now been doing this for almost four months and I have learned so many things about myself. Here are the four things I have learned thus far during these four months.
1. The strength of my intuition: I have always ignored the little voice in me because I thought at times she would be wrong. Quite the contrary, the bad feeling or little voice was always right when I needed it to be. I always wanted to see the best in people, when my intuition was telling me to run. Since choosing not to date, I have learned to get fully connected with my intuition and begin to heal the abuse that I gave that little voice by constantly silencing it. I now fully understand how powerful that voice can be and the great impact it can make.
2. I’m unique: I know many people may think, well so am I. However, the uniqueness I am referring to are the things that make me different. I have always tried to compare myself with others and it has constantly failed me. Over these past four months, I realized that I am beautiful in my own way and the things that I was ashamed of people wished they had. By accepting me for me, it helped to unleash a great amount of confidence that I did not realize that I possessed.

No dating for a year pic
3. I am in control: Throughout my dating life I have always dated guys that could be at times manipulative. When I decided to be single four years ago I wanted to take back control of me. However, I did not take control back until four months ago because I was not making myself a priority. Yea I was living my life, but for most of that four years, I was hoping to find a man that would be my missing piece. I was only taking control of a portion of my life. Now I have a grasp on my entire life. I am living it for myself and not allowing people or a man try to take a portion of it. I’ve learned a man who truly wants the best for you will add, not take away and destroy.
4. The importance of change: change is honestly the hardest part of life I have had to deal with. However, it is essential. By choosing not to date, I’ve made several changes. I started wearing contacts, going to the gym and going out by myself to enjoy my life. Even though in the past I have gone out alone, the difference is I do not get the feeling of I wish I had a boyfriend. I did all this for me and no one else. I have lost some people along the way, but I gained so many more. I am happy, which is all that matters at the end of the day.
This has been my journey for the past four months and I am enjoying it. My advice to anyone reading this is do what makes you happy no matter what anyone says. Be sure to smile and be magic