Body Happy

Maya Angelou said “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude”. I truly love this quote by Maya Aneglou because it truly represents everything that I am going through with my weight loss journey. All of my life I have always neglected losing weight because I believed that I could always put it on the back burner. I will admit that overtime I did try to lose weight and dedicate myself to the process however an emotional toll would take over me and I would begin to over eat again and never care to try again. So, in the beginning of my semester of graduate school, I made a crucial and life changing decision. I decided that for one year I would put myself first. I started my making a list of things where I was neglecting myself. The three things that I wrote on a post it notes was: my weight, my appearance and my emotional health. Thinking back on when I was trying to work on my weight, I was not doing it for me. I was doing it for others, just so they would leave me alone about it. Each of these three things I work on daily, however this blog entry is specifically about my weight. Here are four things that I am doing to keep me going:

  1. Not looking at the number- this has honestly always been the problem when thinking of my weight loss. I always focused on the number on the scale or the numbers on the treadmill. I was obsessed with those numbers. Now, I am more focused on how I feel and if I am happy. By choosing to not focus on the number, the weight came off easily. I’m still not close, to my ideal weight, but I will not obsess over that number, rather enjoy the journey and gain lifelong habits.
  2. Being ok if I stay- when I tried to lose weight in the past, I would always get upset when I was not fully committed to my process. However, I soon learned that if I did better the next day or hour than I could carry along as before. Mistakes happen. Sometimes set backs are away for you to learn, and develop new habits.
  3. Changed my attitude- along this journey, I have learned that it does not help to be upset when things are not as good as they seem. The best solution is to smile and remind myself that I am still amazing and beautiful. My typical attitude would always have me being sad when things did not go my way. But now, I decided to smile and be happy for the little things. (I still must work on smiling when in public)
  4. Forgiveness-this part has honestly been the hardest because it requires some heart work. For me, forgiveness required me to be at peace with the fact that I will make mistakes and over eat at times or even when I become sad when I do not lose the weight I want. I now understand that no matter how much I mess up, I can still pull through and do better each day.

In conclusion, body happiness is when not only your attitude changes, but you appreciate your body the way it is because the body is beautiful with every stretch mark, layer of fat, with every curve or none. Be appreciative of it and always smile because this is my journey and no one can take that from me.


Back Home Blues

I know I was supposed to publish this blog entry two days ago, but I really had a lot on my mind. Since I moved back home, in May, I honestly believed that things would go back to the way they were with one of my friends. I knew that she had made other friends, but I was sure that she would try to include me. And she did, however some of the things she wanted to do was not my cup of tea. For the past two weeks, since starting grad school and being home, it appears that she does not have the time. So, I tried to hang with some of my other friends, however that did not work either. For the past two days I have been trying to understand why I feel the way I do. Trying to understand why I felt unmotivated and had the feeling that I was in a padded room where everyone would check on me occasionally and just do a basic care check. Finally, I admitted to myself that I was feeling lonely. Being in graduate school, not being close to your cohorts (which happens), and not having your close friends with you can make you feel as though you are alone. Earlier this week, I cried myself to sleep. I do not know why I did. All I knew was that I was alone. Very few people in my immediate circle understand the emotional toll it has on someone, especially when that person does not have one person to vent to about it because it’s hard to get the words out. I rarely have the words to express how I’m feeling. I’m like Issa in Insecure, I can rap in the mirror and create scenarios in my mind but when it comes to actually telling people, I am not good at that part.

Life is always about how you react to things. So, I had two choices of how to deal with my loneliness. Either lay in bed and finish binge watching a TV series or go and enjoy life. I choose to go and enjoy life. While being alone sucks, I understand how important it is to do something that truly makes me happy and sometimes while doing those things I will be alone. Even if I start alone and meet someone in this new place that’s good. If I don’t then that’s ok too. But, it has been my experience that sometimes being alone is required for someone to take their lives to the next level, which I agree with. One thing you always hear from people is that true happiness comes from you and if your happy alone then you can be happy with others. I do not disagree with that thought, however its always ok to be sad while being alone. Take the time you need to build yourself back up. It’s a part of life to have things/emotions die inside, but the rebirth of those emotions are always beautiful.