This week I decided to write my wanderlust side a letter. The reason being I am taking a trip in the next week and I never really talk about that side of me and I think it will be something fun to do.
Dear Wanderlust Side of Me,
Thank you for finally coming out of me back in 2016. I saw you peeking out many times throughout my childhood especially when your one of few seventh graders who is focused on going to Kenya in college. Plus, I saw you peeking out many times prior to that. How many people do you know would say they would give up a gift for graduation to wait an extended period for a trip? I was thinking about how you have truly taken over, which honestly, I enjoy because you get to be fearless at times with common sense. Each trip I watch you grow and develop into the wonderful woman you have become. I know that you are a part of me, but I see parts of that spirit coming out during the day when I hear you say be bold and don’t let people take advantage of you. Or even when you say enjoy the small moments. Sometimes I wonder if you could just transform and take over. But then I hear you whisper to me that it isn’t necessary for you to completely take over because you are always a part of me and that you will never leave. Finally, thank you for always encouraging me to look forward to new things that will help me to grown not only through travel but through life as well.
For this week in breaking cycles, I want to talk about waiting. Sometimes waiting can be tough. Like many people I want things now and in perfect condition. At times I find myself wanting the success without willing to become uncomfortable for a while. Even when looking for the love of my life, I really do not want to wait because one gets tired of waiting for the right thing, person or opportunity. But this week I learned that waiting is not only inevitable, but once we get what we desired we, at times, tend to want to go back to the wait. What I have learned from so many people is to enjoy the wait.
I remember one summer I desperately wanted a job after my first year in college. I wanted to make money to pay for tuition. I began working the middle of July and have been working ever since. I look back on that waiting period and realize I have never had a period like that off again. Several weeks to just lay around and relax. At times I miss it, but I understand now the importance of enjoying the wait. It is during the times that we wait where we learn about ourselves and learn to appreciate what we have.
Right now, I am waiting for the right full-time opportunity and until then I will continue to work and gain the skills I need for the right time. The wait can be boring and annoying; however, I have learned a lot about me during the preparing season, rather than the harvest. This week I challenge anyone reading this to grown during your wait season and smile during the process.
As many people know from one of my previous entries, I have chosen not to date for a year. Through this experience, I have truly fallen in love with myself. I know some may consider this to be conceited. However, I believe by loving yourself, shows others how you want to be loved. In the time that I have chosen not to date I have learned so much about self-love. For me, self-love is treating yourself as though you are the queen/king of the world. When you show self-love to yourself, it gives people the view of how you want to be treated and cared for. Self-love is crucial because as Ru Paul has said, “if you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” When a person is glowing in self-love, it shows people the type of love you need and deserve.
Self-love is crucial especially, in graduate school. For many years while in school, I can admit now that I did not love myself throughout school. I always put my academics first to neglect the fact that I was trying to hide the pain that I was feeling. However, when you hold things in for too long, the emotions being concealed seems to pour in to everything you are doing. To try to prevent that from happening I would try to find someone else to give me the love that I thought I could not give myself. However, through a lot of trial and error, I know that the void of self-love cannot be filled with anything else. When that space is filled with love coming from yourself, everything around you begin to change and you will feel different.
To me self-love is a day to day feeling that needs to be felt no matter what. For a long time, I lacked self-love for several reasons. However, the main reason was I thought that the love I was missing could be brought by someone else. Little did I know, that was not the love I needed. The love that I was seeking, took my self- esteem and love for myself to a place that I did not even know I was there. I realized how important self-love when I was 18 years old and my then ex- boyfriend (with whom I hoped to get back with) had made me fed up with my emotions not being considered. I decided that I would begin to put me first and make sure that the love for myself was stronger than any love anyone could give me. I am not going to lie, there were times where myself love was low, but then I looked in the mirror and say “I love you and I am sorry for the pain I put you through. Please forgive me” and I hug myself in the process. I say I love you to myself daily and when I start to feel depressed, I say the statement. My advice to you is say I love you to yourself, give yourself a hug, and smile while understanding that the love you have for yourself is better than any other kind of love.